beccaecca

beccaecca @ 2008-12-29T01:50:00

2008-12-29T07:01:31Z

Q(s)otD: "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." -Unknown

"Oops, you dropped your tampon." -Shaina Coogan

Today was perfect. If I could've added some family time, I think I would've been set.

8:45 am: Get up and out of bed. WHY AM I AWAKE?!
11:00 am: Beach with Juniper and Sam.
11:49 am: See Emily and Melanie at Dania Beach! Surprise :)
11:50 am-2:15 pm: Play in the sand, build sand piles, talk, and tan.
2:45 pm: Go to SNOBALLS. Yummy in my tummy.
4:00 pm: Shower and go to the mall with Juniper.
7:00 pm: Dinner at Chili's with Cara.
8:30 pm: Visit Jordan, Abby, and Robyn. Wander around. Run into Shana and Amy. Shana's working at the J this summer!
10:00 pm: Beach with Shaina. Amazing. Breathtaking. Beautiful. Talking. Discussing. Explaining. Reminiscing. True friendship defined.
12:00 am: Steak n Shake, currently renamed Shake, for some shakes (milk and booty) and fries.
2:00 am: LJ and SLEEP.

What a perfect day. This break gets better by the day.

<3

beccaecca @ 2008-11-20T00:41:00

2008-11-20T05:43:49Z

QotD: "He who hesitates is lost."

Crappy day. Tomorrow will be better. (TRAUMATIZED BY A GIRL AND A HAMSTER separately...will explain at at later time)

I'm gonna fight for it. No matter what it takes. I will do it.

beccaecca @ 2008-08-19T23:00:00

2008-08-20T03:06:25Z

QotD: "You can't help but smile when you see a penguin...plus, they got that whole tuxedo engrained into their flesh thing going on." -Good Luck Chuck

Lately I've been feeling extremely unemotionally available. My friends and I are going our separate ways, Pol's in Belgium, and the best summer of my life is over.

I can't even begin to sum up this summer, because there's just way too much to say. All I know is that there are 299 days until camp starts again, and I can't wait.

Tomorrow's my last day in the Coop, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. There are so many memories and friendships made here that I'll never forget. It's going to be a bitter sweet goodbye, and a grand hello to my new life at UF.

beccaecca @ 2008-06-20T17:31:00

2008-06-20T21:35:42Z

QotD: "Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walkin' like a one man army,
Fightin' with the shadows in your head.
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead

If you could only...
Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

EVEN IF YOUR HANDS ARE SHAKING,
AND YOUR FAITH IS BROKEN.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a HEART WIDE OPEN.

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY (x7)

Say what you need to, Say what you need to...

Say what you need to say." -John Mayer

<3

This week's been amazing. I love my campers, my co-counselors, and my new friends. Life is good. Thank you summer.

beccaecca @ 2008-06-16T18:09:00

2008-06-16T22:10:36Z

Word of the Day: BALLS (Thanks to bored counselors and tennis)

Oh, camp, how I love thee :]

It's good to be back.

beccaecca @ 2008-06-14T18:48:00

2008-06-14T22:53:09Z

QotD: "What is love? Oh baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more." -Haddaway

I need you here with me. Right now. Always. Forever.

I want to tell you so much, but I can't. You let yourself out the other night, and I sat there and watched you hurt. I watched your beauty, your love, your everything. I want to tell you so much, but I don't want to hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore.

I just want you.

beccaecca @ 2008-06-04T10:36:00

2008-06-04T15:02:55Z

QotD: "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock." -Hannah Montana (dedicated to J. Freezy)

And so it begins. The rest of my life.

Yesterday I received my diploma, which makes me an official high school graduate. How do I feel? Amazing. Accomplished. Proud. Happy.

Graduation was in a sense, just how I imagined. Long at times ("We're only on the B's?"), I was surrounded by my classmates, friends, and family. The people next to me, Kelise Whiteman and Lee Weisberg, I hardly knew, but that didn't matter because we were together. As lame as that sounds, I truly believe that for that day, June 3rd, the class of 2008 was not just 552 random kids in different cliques, we were one group with the unbreakable bond and experience of walking across the stage and receiving our diploma holders (without the diplomas inside).

As I proudly walked across the stage, stopped for a hug by Ms. Linda "Penguin" Arnold, I shook people's hands who I did not recognize and received congratulations from underclassmen. I walked back to my seat, my heart no longer pounding in my chest worrying whether I was going to trip or not, and Juniper and Jaime stopped me. I couldn't have been happier to see two people who I care so deeply about (besides my family) there cheering me on and congratulating me. Even if they had to be there for NHS, it meant a lot.

Jared Frieder's speech was not only beautiful but also comical. He spoke with eloquence and sincerity, reaching out to every single person in that auditorium. His speech defined almost everything that I learned about myself and life this year. Perceptions, happiness, and living the life you want. It took me 18 years, but this year I figured out the secret before Jared told us last night. We're all different. Enough said. Every perception and thought changes from person to person. However, it's how you use these two things which define who you are and what your life will become.

Despite the fact that my mom made my graduation day a living hell, I wasn't let out of my house to go celebrate, and I saw an ex-friend of mine who I thought I was over but apparently am not, I was happy last night. I didn't dwell on the negative, but rather thought about my accomplishments and how far I've gotten. I am happy. That's what life's about.

Think about it. If you go to work and you hate your job, you're going to do poorly and despise everything around you. I don't care what you believe in, but I think that we each have a job, which is why we were put here. If you're not happy with how things are going, maybe it's time to reassess the situation. Get a fresh start.

I'm happy with who I am. I'm excited to move on with my life, see where it takes me, and impact lives of those around me. I'm going to make a difference in the world. Whether big or small, I'll be content because I want to be.

beccaecca @ 2008-06-02T18:32:00

2008-06-02T22:43:59Z

QotD: "It’s hard to wait for something that you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when it’s everything you want." -Unknown

^ Story of my life. Don't ask.

Gah. These past few days have been very eh. My life is a roller coaster of emotions and lately it's been oscillating, going from the highest peak to the lowest point in a matter of seconds. My body's there, but my insides are not.

My grad party on Saturday was a ton of fun. (Almost) everyone that I cared about was there and that meant a lot to me. We sat around eating, playing apples to apples, telling lame jokes from my joke book, and discussing life. Apples to Apples was definitely the highlight of the night. Ironically, I received the "PENGUIN" card, which I used on Shelly for some word. She didn't choose my card and I was very upset. A lot of people left after that, but some stayed around and played some pool. Pol and Joe vs. Garrett and Thilan was great because Pol and Joe must've sank the 8 ball at least four times. Afterwards we jumped in the pool and sat in the hot tub talking about nothing and everything with smiles. It was a good night.

Yesterday I helped my friend Cara move into her new apartment. Since she has serious back problems, I was helping lift her items into the garage so we could pack them up. Her mom was sitting in a chair staring at us almost the whole time. I couldn't bare to look at her, although I felt like she was staring into my soul. Both of her parents were bawling, and I felt horrible even though I was only helping a friend.

Today was one of my best day's yet. Joe and I went to Rapids in the morning. The park was EMPTY, minus a few kids skipping school along with some seniors and college kids, and we rode almost every ride. On the way up to Pirates Plunge, stupidly I said "If I had to walk all the way up there and got sent down, I would be so mad." As we get to the top of the tallest water slide at the park, they tell us we have to go down due to the weather conditions. Lovely.

We left after that because we were unsure of how long the storm would last. 2 for 1 coupons in our hand, we drove to Wendy's. Joe decided along the way that we should go to the Morikami gardens, which apparently are beautiful Japanese gardens, but they were closed. Only on Mondays though. Of course.

After that disappointment because we drove around so long searching for the place, we ended up at Deerfield Beach, met some random 25-year-olds (an Asian guy who called me babe and Joe dude a lot, and some girl who was wearing a thong bathing suit and talking to everyone that passed by). I'm pretty sure they were both drunk, but it was really funny. Joe tried to teach me how to skim board, but it didn't work out too well.

Despite our luck, it was an awesome and exhausting day. We looked at the glass as half full and dealt with what came our way. It was a great way to celebrate before graduation tomorrow.

I'm so proud/excited. Congrats to us Class of '08. We've earned it. I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow morning. Woo hoo! :]

beccaecca @ 2008-05-29T18:11:00

2008-05-29T22:13:07Z

QotD: "A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart." -Heather Pryor

Thoughts:

It begins and ends with love. That’s all there is to it.

Everything in our lives relates to love – the need, want, and requirement to be loved is started from the day we were born into this strange, new world. It carries on to our childhood and through the rest of our years, haunting our wishes, hopes, dreams, and experiences.

Some are holding on to a love that was never there – others spend it constantly searching. For those fortunate, they accept their fate and make the most of it.

I think that sometimes we get too caught up in our emotions, or suppression thereof, and refuse to acknowledge the beauty that surrounds us. We forget to look at a rose in bloom, a messy room, a puppy’s smile.

Sometimes the smallest things can make my day. Meeting strangers, holding hands, having intelligent discourse. But others, my mind is a bottomless vacuum sucking in without recognition or care.

Love is the basis of every human emotion. We thrive or die with or without it, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

beccaecca @ 2008-05-27T17:23:00

2008-05-27T21:26:23Z

QotD: "Chase perfection like hell and you'll be sure to catch excellence on the way." -Mr. Schultz, Calculus Teacher

Cooper City High,

You've been good to me these last four years. Despite long, boring, and occasionally hard classes, thank you for the countless memories and friends I've acquired. I will not miss you, as it's time for me to move on now. My life, college, and future are calling my name.

P.S. Watch out for my underclassmen (who I guess are officially upperclassmen :]) - they're feisty ones.

SENIORS '08!

<33333333

beccaecca @ 2008-05-26T20:09:00

2008-05-27T00:36:24Z

I just read all of my yearbook signatures (and there are still more to get :])

Thank you.

I'm glad I spent my senior year with the people I did. I love them. They made school worth coming to (which is a really hard feat!)

I can't believe how truly lucky I am.

beccaecca @ 2008-05-26T18:30:00

2008-05-26T22:43:50Z

QotD: "To be a penguin is to never be alone." -Unknown

I went to my first "big high school party" last night. There was alcohol, intense make out sessions, dancing, smoking, laughing, greeting, meeting, pole dancing, picture taking, eating, and just being. It wasn't the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life, but I can say that I did it, and honestly, I did have fun (and yes I stayed sober because I was driving). I was constantly telling a certain someone to drink up, and it was funny to watch her be like WOOOOO.

After, I went to Shaina's and played Rockband and such. We had another infamous discussion about everything (especially a certain someone who we made fun of a lot, and then felt bad about). Then we slept. All in all, it was a fun night.

I got two new bikinis today with my mom and that was about the most exciting thing that happened. I was cracking up the whole time about anything she said and it was a joyous feeling.

Tomorrow is my last day of high school! It's an amazing thought and I feel so accomplished. Coming up: more graduation parties (including mine), graduation itself, beach, no school, partying, summer, and UF. Crazy how fast life's going by...

P.S. Pol's back and I have yet to see him. I'm so happy he's home though. I missed him terribly. It's weird how when I was in Europe I didn't miss him that much, yet when HE was gone, I missed him terribly. Strange how when you're the one leaving it doesn't hurt as much.

Time for some yummy family dinner!

beccaecca @ 2008-05-18T17:57:00

2008-05-18T21:58:17Z

Prom was amazing. The end.

beccaecca @ 2008-05-16T19:19:00

2008-05-16T23:23:11Z

QotD: “For arms so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm.” –Phil Collins

I haven’t posted recently and I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t have anything to say or that I just don’t feel like confronting anything anymore. Probably the latter unfortunately.

Quick update:
Wade's an asshole.
Peer counseling is the best class I've taken in high school.
I love the newspaper staff.
Prom's tomorrow!

I’ve had two bad days this week: Monday and yesterday, Thursday. There were a lot of emotions caught up including anger, sadness, happiness, and ultimately confusion. Tuesday, Wednesday, and today have been great though.

Let me start off with the good…Tuesday was the Sun Sentinel awards presentation. Newspaper came together as a group, and won and lost together as a group. We cheered loudly when someone won and we basically showed the other schools up. I personally won honorable mentions for both news and feature writing, and was very happy with the results of the front page and news section’s awards (2nd place and honorable mention respectively.) Grozan won adviser of the year and couldn’t stop smiling. We were all extremely proud of him, and I really think he deserves it. Although I feel like we were cheated out of best overall, (stupid Cypress Bay television show…) I think we did a great job, and I can’t believe what an amazing staff we had this year. We went out to dinner, Tijuana Taxi, after the awards. Our “newspaper family” sat at one huge L-shaped table and had a blast. My dinner included discussions with Mike Worley and Shaina and overhearing Grozan tease Juniper. The next night we went to Buca de Beppo for newspaper banquet. We were loud, noisy, and obnoxious, as always, but we had a great time. It was a happy and sad event, but I know that it brought us together in a way that I never had imagined. We solidified our bond through those dinners and the memories I’ve made with these people will last me a lifetime.

All these emotions get to me though. There are so many feelings running through me at all times of the day and lately I just can’t take it. Today was my last Friday at Cooper City High. FOREVER. It hadn’t hit me until Shaina said something after we were watching CTV. My first reaction was ecstatic, of course, but then I think wow, I’m leaving. And then a million more thoughts run through my head and it’s just all very tiring. Also, I haven't really accepted the fact that Pol's leaving. Today was his last FULL day, and I can't even think about him being thousands of miles away.

Prom is tomorrow night and I could not be more excited. I hope that my expectations are met and that I look pretty, dance, and have fun.

I guess I still didn’t address my feelings here, but lately I’ve realized how important it is to let things out. It’ll happen…eventually.

beccaecca @ 2008-04-28T20:47:00

2008-04-29T00:47:40Z

I accept Rachel's challenge.

beccaecca @ 2008-04-24T20:52:00

2008-04-25T00:59:56Z

QotD: "Why is Jesus so popular right now?" -Fox News (source: Outfoxed: Fox News)

Ahahahaha.

Today was just what I needed. Early release plus the beach was fun and relaxing. I spent time with Juniper, Shaina, and Sam (for a bit until she left), swimming in the ocean, scouting for fish or jellyfish, tanning, talking, and not worrying. I love days like these :]

Also, tomorrow's Friday! Finally an ending to this dreadful week. Only 20 days or so left of school? Wowsers.

In response to the P.S. : I'M BURNING THE CD RIGHT NOW! YOU WILL GET 4 TOMORROW (1+YOUR 3 TO BURN) I <3 YOU.

P.P.S. I like warm and fuzzies and it made me happy that it went through a long chain at school. I really hope Mr. Tanner passed his on.

P.P.P.S. I like when people like my awesome techno dance mixes and act retarded/dance to them in my car causing strange older men to stare and want to join the dancing even though they won't. I also like when strange drunk men try to hit on Juniper, take my sunscreen, and talk to me about going to the beach :]

Ahh. I'm so happy.

beccaecca @ 2008-04-22T17:22:00

2008-04-22T21:28:30Z

QotD: "Take nothing but pictures.
Leave nothing but footprints.
Kill nothing but time."
-Motto of the Baltimore Grotto

It's almost over. Or that's what I keep telling myself. I hold on for something different and new. That's what we hope for about now. It's all the same really, but shh, don't tell me yet. The same situations, just with new people and new places. Oh the joy.

Happy Earth day.

OH. Just so you know, I'm done. Finished. Caput. Over. Through. I'm sick of the nonsense. It's not fun anymore. It hasn't been for awhile.

beccaecca @ 2008-04-21T20:54:00

2008-04-22T00:56:24Z

QotD: “The way you look into my eyes
It scares me
The way you say "I love you"
It scares me
The way you know just what to say
It scares me
The ways you scare me
I love it.” -Unknown

This past week was good to me from what I remember. Thursday was the blood drive, which my parents highly recommended I did not participate in because I was fighting off getting a cold and had Grad Nite (night?) the next day. Of course, I didn’t listen, and I ended up being fine. The blood drive was a lot of fun, surprisingly. Shelly convinced the people to send me a pass for first hour, which I had put as my time, even though I was down for second. So I got in there and was watching the girl in front of me donate and she passes out about 5 seconds after the needle was stuck in. Seeing as I was watching her and saw her fall over and pass out, I started freaking out. Like I almost started crying, not only for my sake, but for this girl’s sake too. The image of the girl followed me for the rest of the day, but the girl, after being revived, gave blood in her other arm. After she was done and still coherent and such, I went up to her and told her that she was my hero and that I was worried about her. She probably thought I was really creepy, but that’s okay…

My blood drawing went fine, thank goodness, and I made sure to hang out and replenish so I didn’t get sick like last time. Just as I was leaving, Juniper walks in and asks me to stay with her. So I waited more, pretended like I was eating a shitload (they must’ve thought I was a fatty…darn’t…) and held her hand while they extracted blood from her non-grandpa veins :] Unfortunately, she wasn’t as lucky as I was, and her blood seemed to stop flowing (which has happened to me once before, except it was a blood clot). They had to poke around and prod her veins to try to get it to work again, and it was horrifying to watch. It obviously hurt a lot, and it was hard for me to watch Juniper be in pain like that. Once again, I almost started crying. (Man, it was an emotional day.) I tried to distract her and comfort her, and I hope I did a good job. She was a trooper and I made sure she knew that, and that I was proud of her. As I was about to leave her and go to class, I spotted Laureen, who pleaded that I stay with her also because she was scared. So I stayed and held her hand, distracted her, and made sure she got through it. At the end of the day, I knew that I had done several good deeds, and saved at least 3 lives in the process. (Sidenote: apparently I have the second rarest blood type. Go me!) I was thinking about the day’s events, and the thing that stuck out most in my mind was what Juniper asked me while I was with her. It was something along the lines of: “Who’s going to be here for me next year?” She also told me that I’d have to start doing “penguin replacement interviews.” This made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy, because it made me feel like I’ve had an impact on some of my friends’s lives, in a good way. I really feel like I’ve touched some people (figuratively…) and I know that many have had a huge impact on myself too. I attribute the way I am today greatly to my friends and family. They’ve helped shape me, along with my own personal growth. It really started to hit me that day, how much I care about these people who I see every day, and how much I’m going to miss them when I go away. (Note: I feel like I’ve been writing about this subject a lot, leaving the people and starting anew, but that’s a big part of my life right now, so deal with it!)

It hit me even harder when we went to Grad Nite.

Grad Nite was A TON OF FUN. Honestly, I don’t care what anyone else says, I had a blast. I was excited all day, not only because we were going to Magic Kingdom, which I haven’t been to since 8th grade, but also because it’s a big party with a bunch of seniors. On the way up there it was chill and relax. Pol and I tried to sleep, but we failed a lot. When we got up there, we had to wait on the bus for what seemed like forever, but we entertained ourselves by singing songs and videotaping David, Emily, Amanda, and Pol singing songs. Oh, good stuff. As hyper as can be, they finally let us off the bus and into the park (after being searched once again, though not as heavily as they had said.) We immediately ran to Space Mountain, (literally ran because we had to catch up), and got on line and rode it. While we were waiting Pol and I kept dancing and screaming WOO!!!! to people who were “blasting off.” Other rides we went on included the Teacups, Splash Mountain, Thunder Railroad Mountain, Buzz Lightyear, Aladdin’s Magic Carpets, Snow White, and Mickey’s Philharmagic. Everywhere we went it seemed like they were playing “Sweet Escape” by Gwen Stefani or “Apologize” by Timbaland. We got sick of the songs but kept singing them anyway along with everyone else in line. We had a moment though, while the fireworks were going off and they were playing “The Great Escape” by Boys Like Girls, where we had a group hug. It was intense and sad and joyous all at once. After that Katie, Pol, and I ran for Thunder Mountain, probably our favorite ride. Katie and I sat front row and screamed with our hands up the whole time. That was probably the highlight of my night. Some others include: getting the highest score out of everyone on Buzz Lightyear, holding Pol/calming him down on Splash Mountain, the picture of us on Splash Mountain, singing along to every Disney song in Mickey’s Philharmagic, dancing almost everywhere, seeing Ne-Yo for about .5 seconds and deciding it wasn’t worth staying, and passing out on the bus at about 4 a.m.

I realize that none of the people I was with will be going to UF with me next year, unless by some strange incident Katie ends up there, which I hope she doesn’t because she really doesn’t want to attend there. I also realized that night, that my friends do care about me a lot. I had gone through a time where I thought that they didn’t care about me as much as I did them, and a lot of other boring stuff. But they do, and for that I love them.

Today I went to Snoballs with Shaina, Eva, and Pol, and had the time of my life. I’m very content with my life right now and I’m having a blast. I hope the days and weeks that are following, will continue in the same manner.

By the way, I was so close to being done with you. I didn't even feel bad about it nor want to hold on and repair everything like I normally do. But then you pulled me back. Slightly this time, but I'm still back. I get further and further away each time, because we both know we won't be the same as we once were. It's sad, but it's life, and life goes on if we like it or not.

Random note: "Cindy Gicala is going to UF and is happy, so suck it bitches! :)"
Interesting. Another class valedictorian going to UF. Guess I didn't make such a bad choice after all? :]

beccaecca @ 2008-04-13T09:55:00

2008-04-13T13:57:19Z

QotD: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” -Socrates

Coming back this week has been stressful. I think Joe said it best when he said we’ve come back to a “hectic reality.” Honestly, Europe was amazing, and beautiful, and a whole lot of other adjectives, but I think the best part about it was that I could be carefree and just have fun. And I truly miss that about the trip because the biggest things I had to worry about consisted of not losing my money and/or passport and trying not to break the seal too soon.

So coming back to Cooper City and back to Earth has been hard, but I have to deal with it. Obviously life can’t be all fun and games, but I’m starting to feel like life is about school and work. College, my supposed break from this insanity, is just a disguise for more school. Once that’s done with, it’s off to work, school without grades but with monetary compensation. So with this newfound epiphany, I’ve started becoming extremely lazy. This past semester in school has shown it – I procrastinate even more to the point that I’m doing my work in the period before the class it’s due, and I have an apathetic attitude. I realize that this is going on, but I have no willpower or desire to stop it, even though I know I need to. This depresses me even more, because I’m the overachiever, straight-A student who now just doesn’t care. Either I’ve got a bad case of senioritis or I don’t even know what…

I skipped school Tuesday in an effort to get some sleep seeing as we only got about 3-5 hours throughout the 12 days on the trip. It was pleasant and relaxing not to do anything. Wednesday it was back to school, which meant good ol’ peer counseling, hard calculus, a terrifying Ms. West, and newspaper. Oh, newspaper. My brother had brought home a copy of the paper, which was handed out on Monday. After being surprised that a few things on my layout had changed, a friend of mine pointed out a huge error in one of the articles. I found a couple more after that. So obviously I was angry. I mean, I’m man enough to take responsibilities for errors that I made, and I have before, but those mistakes weren’t from my doing. I had a long conversation with David about it, and we realized that there was an error in communication and it was both of our faults. Grozan walked away in the middle of the discussion, possibly angry, I’m not really sure why. I felt better after talking to David, as always, and he reassured me that we were still friends and that I could talk to him if I felt a certain way. I thought that was kind of him, and thus my respect for him rose. Juniper, Shaina, and Jaime were all proud of my standing up for myself (gasp) and that made me feel better too.

Thursday was an okay day at school. I just go through the routine and the motion until the final bell rings and then I’m free to do as I please. Well, mostly. I took a 3.5-hour nap and woke up at 730 to 3 missed phone calls from Juniper and a text about Teenlink. It was the last “meeting” for Teenlink (THANK GOSH!) and they were having a party and handing out awards and such. Juniper and I planned on celebrating our momentary freedom from the magazine, and I was excited for free pizza. Unfortunately, the meeting was supposed to start at 7, so I had woken up half an hour late. I tried to explain this to my mother, but she said that I wasn’t allowed to go because I had slept past the time etc. etc. So we got in an argument and she thought I was going to drive off (I’ve left before) and she threatened to call the police to pull me over. Wise me said, “I don’t care, call the police, BITCH.” Usually I just curse under my breath, but this was loud and proud and so my mother heard it. She was upset and when I tried to call Juniper because I had missed her call, she took my phone and claimed it was because it was before our free minutes started. Right…so then I removed her from my facebook because I think it’s just weird that she has one anyhow…and she came in at 2 am while I was trying to sleep, through all of my stuff on the floor in search of my wallet and keys. I had supposedly “hidden” them, and she was yelling about it and tried to get in my face. The thing is, that doesn’t really work because I’m taller than her (oh peer counseling…). So once again I was driven to school like an idiot and didn’t have my phone.

Yesterday my mom and I had a discussion and eventually I got my phone back but still no car. The discussion with her, and something that happened in peer counseling on Friday has made me think. In PC, we played this ‘game’ where we held up colors to show our impression of people: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, assertive, or a combination of those four. It was interesting to see what people thought of me, as most had passive, assertive, or passive and assertive. Mostly what I had expected. Katie, however, held up passive and aggressive. She explained to the class that I’m a passive person, but when I get angry I get angry and I’m mean about it. I’ve done it to her twice and it’s hurt her very badly. I think the expression and the way she said it, was more than enough revenge and payback. On top of that, after I said those things, I had to see her hurting which affected me more than anything. We were talking about it at lunch and she said again, that I probably said the meanest thing anyone has ever said to her and that it’ll stay with her for the rest of her life. I can’t take it back even if I wanted to but knowing that she feels like that kills me. I had somewhat forgotten about it, but wow. I never realized I had potential to hurt someone so badly. And apparently I did that to my mom too. The thing is, I couldn’t remember anyone else that I’ve hurt like this. For either one. So I’m trying to work on this. I’m not really sure how, but I’m trying to figure out a way and do it. I can’t undo the past nor their memories of what I’ve said, but I can hope for a better future. I’m lucky I have both of them in my life, as well as everyone of my friends. I don’t verbalize it often, but I truly am grateful and I love all of them, I just wish I could show it better.

So today I plan on trying to get work done, rather than doing it seconds before it’s due. I’ve made a list of things I need to accomplish, and I’m going to do them even if it kills me.

Sidenote: this was a really long entry, but I think it’s going to help me.

beccaecca @ 2008-04-08T20:13:00

2008-04-09T00:17:50Z

QotD: "But I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door." -The Proclaimers

Above is the theme song to Europe 2008 :]. Honestly, I had the most amazing 12 days. They were filled with memories, laughs, stories, good times, and no regrets.

More on all of that later...for now, I shall go unpack more, put clothes away, look for my Blarney Stone picture, and continue to have a huge grin on my face :] Life is good.

beccaecca @ 2008-03-25T21:28:00

2008-03-26T01:29:10Z

QotD: “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” –Joni Mitchell (thanks Daviddd!)

I LOVE: my life, the world, myself, who I hope to become, my family, my handsome poodles, being with my friends, laughing, loving, breathing, living, holding hands, smiling, penguins, acting stupid, smart, funny, crazy, and retarded all at once, taking naps, making lifetime memories, taking pictures, having fun, dancing, being a latina negra, the beach day and night, jamba, the cold, the sun, cuddling, hugging, kissing, touching, craving, food, never letting go, being overemotional, the concept of love, being right, thinking, being gifted, sleeping, discourse, watching, being creepy, being awesome, being happy, dreams, camp, 23

I HATE: the world, being used, myself, death, overanalyzing, being alone, missing you, fearfulness, people, tests, school, human nature, hiding, being angry, life’s unfairness, adultery, cheating, stealing, lying, losing friends, being hurt, rejection, hurting someone, dressing up, being wrong, mood swings, bad days, seeing people upset, crying, too much pressure, impressing you, living up to standards, drowning in my thoughts, not getting my way, wishing I was more, being awkward, never letting go, being a lurk, going away, laziness, starting anew, lost memories, people who make me feel like shit, drama, image obsession, being a doormat

I’m very proud of myself. Somehow I managed to pull off straight A’s (if I can get a C on the midterms) for this quarter. I really can’t believe how lazy I’ve gotten though. But who cares.

A dilemma has arisen in the last two days. I’ve decided that a certain person in my life doesn’t need to be there, for various reasons. I don’t know how to explain it to them without hurting them or making them upset, which I know is inevitable. I’ve been in the position before, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle it. We’ll see how that works out…

In other news, I’ve started keeping a dream log lol. Weird sounding…I know. It keeps me entertained, and I like looking back on things. That’s why I’ve decided to start LJing again. Me in 2 years from now is going to read this and be like WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER? But then I’ll forget about it and go to Jamba Juice :]

Heh. Ireland and Scotland in 2 DAYS! And I can’t believe that I’m almost on my last semester as a senior. Congrats to us, class of 2008. We’re almost done with this part of our lives. Get ready to move on. I expect great things :]

P.S. Good luck on examsssss. Peer counseling and calculus will be OODLES of fun tomorrow!

beccaecca @ 2008-03-21T17:29:00

2008-03-21T21:32:41Z

I've been looking back on my LJ a lot lately and every time I read a new entry I can't help but laugh at myself. Silly silly me. So I've decided to start posting sporadically when I feel like it.

QotD: "You're a cunt." -Shelly

It's been an awesome past two days, and I can't wait for the Europe trip.

But currently, I just want to say...
That I don't understand people. Maybe I should stop trying, but I doubt that will work.

Also, I wish I had put on some sunscreen at the beach. Oops.

I love my friends and I love my life and I love YOU!

beccaecca @ 2007-07-07T14:31:00

2007-07-07T18:41:29Z

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -Robert Frost

Happy 7/7/07. Hope everyone's feeling/getting 'lucky.'

I got paid yesterday which means camp is halfway over. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about that just yet. Hmm.

Random note: A LOT is two words. People don't learn. Argh.

beccaecca @ 2007-06-30T21:08:00

2007-07-01T01:12:49Z

QotD: "But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." -Stephen Chbosky

Just finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I must say it was pretty amazing. Makes you think. I highly recommend reading it.

Charlie reminds me of Jared in so many ways it's creepy. Anyways, I like this poem from the book even though it kind of gives me the chills...

"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X’s
and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”
because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think
he could reach the kitchen."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

beccaecca @ 2007-06-28T19:50:00

2007-06-28T23:55:42Z

QotD: "The less said the better." -Jane Austen

I have 38 mosquito bites.
:(